He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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