You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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