Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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