maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
