Don't make out with my wife yet
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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