plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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