And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
