I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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