is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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