i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
