god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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