so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
