when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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