new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
