Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
