look no pants
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
