K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
