Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
