And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
