You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
