he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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