Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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