What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
