Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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