if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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