He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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