he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize