im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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