I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
