i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dick very happy bro
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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