does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
