Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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