Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
