Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
