so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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