I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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