I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
