he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
