It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
