I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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