I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
