my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
