i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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