hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
