he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
