How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
