Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
