i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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