if i died would you start the facebook group?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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