As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
