Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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