the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
