It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
