i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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