I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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