they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
