Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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