For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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