then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
