He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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