I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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