No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
