I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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