I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
