I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
