kristin has been a bad kristin
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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