So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
