Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's the barista slut.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
