I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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