Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
