Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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